Have you ever noticed how feminine Billy Joel’s voice is? When I was a kid, I used to think he was a woman. I heard the song Piano Man play on the oldies station and I pictured this glamorous woman with lipstick and long gloves. I imagined her leaning against a dark Steinway, smoke tendriling up through her lush ruby lips. I thought that this woman, the song, and her voice were so beautiful.

I said something about it to my Dad one day. The song came on and I said, I love this woman’s voice. My Dad scrunched his face like, that isn’t a woman, you idiot.

I wish that I could say the song was just as pretty after that. I guess it would’ve helped if Billy Joel wore satin dresses.